PrettyPlease

PRETTY PLEASE

Long story short

By Frederick Louis Richardson

Last year Ajay Meeks came down with a bad case of chicken pox. Ajay’s 32-years-old but as a kid—back then—he never had them; and now couldn’t be vaccinated because he’s severely allergic to the vaccine. Anyway, the outbreak left Ajay with pockmarks on his face, neck and back. He hasn’t said much about it, but I know Ajay: I can tell by the way he now styles his hair and wears his clothes that he’s trying to hide the marks on his skin. The guy never was anything like “handsome” to begin with and acts self-conscious all the time, embarrassed about his appearance.

Should I try to get the dude to talk about it—yes? No?

Okay, quite frankly I don’t know anything about ugly people. I honestly don’t take to them. But it’s only because of Ajay, I’ve come to detest them.

Let’s get something straight from the start. For some time I’ve been hearing about Ajay engaged to marry this babe—a wonderful, sweet, caring, compassionate, funny and all-around awesome lady. And drop-dead gorgeous. Up until now it’s been nettlesome seeing Ajay with his arms around Kendahl Peebles, unofficially the most beautiful girl in the world. And, I don’t know, does this even make sense? It all falls apart right there because this can’t go unnoticed, putting a red flag on their relationship.

I’m just saying an astonishing honey-blonde with these sky blue eyes is revered by every guy I know, and every guy I know is looking for someone who looks great on his arm.

So here we are at this party, and right about now I’ve been needling Ajay with some lighthearted kidding. I ask him about his sex life and why a girl like Kendahl would marry him over a nicer-looking guy (such as myself) and can tell Ajay doesn’t like the question, finds it appalling, will not discuss it; just mutters: “Umm, that’s private.”

But all he gets from me are MORE questions with good-natured ribbing. I laugh, saying I’m just being a “buddy” busting his balls. He takes the insult pretty good, though, like an idiot who’s not too swift; even kids himself about it. But from that expression on his face, his eyes say I’m being pretty disgusting. Ha!

Still, these little things that Ajay shares about her…I don’t know, I get the impression this “hot babe” is a lousy lay. Who’s to say “No”? So I do have a few concerns, here. My guess is she rarely gets into it very much when she does it with him. To go with a beautiful woman like this who completely sucks in the sack—Ajay would be living the Catch-22 of having a sexy woman but rarely having sex.

If this is the case, fine by me. I could let this ball drop.

Right; people like Kendahl look good which unfairly confers personal and professional advantages that average people resent; and resentful toad that I am, I admit to taking delight in running good-looking people down, but…a light goes on. I refuse to believe Kendahl is vapid, shallow and a lousy lay. Of course, some girls like her are vapid and shallow, but so are lots of butt-ugly girls.

No, my guess is it’s Ajay’s butt-ugliness that’s got her turned off. So why is she with him? Someone so freaking hot-looking, I mean. Who’s controlling this relationship?

I’ve been able to contain myself up until now. But right this minute she’s entered my space, so it’s on…and I have this feeling that all bets are off. I imagine Kendahl naked and being worked by me. That’s normal. Would that be so wrong? It’s not like I’m sleeping on the guy or anything; besides, Kendahl’s a real comer. If I could do her, I know I’d be happy for the rest of my life. The thing about the most beautiful girl in the world is that you don’t want to strike out, but you don’t want the ball in your ear either.

Like I said, Kendahl is very beautiful and all that, with a vivacious personality, but dresses like a…now, I don’t want to overstate any connection here to a slut or even a skank, but it seems she started wearing these slutty clothes right after Ajay proposed. Got these guys, even some gals ogling her, maybe getting the wrong idea….

Anyone who knows her knows how smart and classy she is, for real. And it’s driving me nuts seeing her sell herself short like this, you know, in this way. Ajay, I hear, gets after his soon-to-be-wife about these outfits she wears—and comes off like a real control freak. But she’s embarrassing him. And I’m not going to say a word to him about it. Not a word, because if the relationship fails, it fails. See, that’s the idea.

Anyway, I wouldn’t expect Kendahl to just up and say, “I’m scared about marrying an ugly idiot like you, Ajay, so I’m showing everything I got short of getting arrested.”

Personally, I believe what you wear is a form of emotional expression; what Kendahl wears says she doesn’t want to be stuck with Ajay for the rest of her life. Know what I say? I’m saying, Kendahl is enjoying herself; she’s only young once and wants to expose how great she looks.

Or could be the idea of marriage has triggered a major panic with an underlying bipolar disorder. She’s maybe fighting this thing and other Cold War battles, or maybe not…just a thought.

Could be that smart, classy thing of hers is just an act, so now she’s showing her true self.

Speculation can take you only so far (without seeing some video) but I keep reminding myself: Watching them together like this is like….

Sure, she could change her clothes, even her behavior, but it is not going to change her emotions about marrying the guy. That’s a game you can’t win. Either way, Ajay has got to take her as she is, not as he prefers her to be, because if he screws up here and badgers Kendahl and crossed the line, and sends their relationship over the edge…that’ll be just fine by me.

So, now, I’m talking to Ajay; telling him straight up about his being with such a lovely lady, since Ajay’s plain as a white envelope. “For one thing,” I say, “since you’re less attractive than Kendahl, you’re more likely to be cheated on. Don’t you ever get like outrageously jealous when you see her talking to some other guy? Ajay, listen, your woman’s sexual market value makes it more likely that you’ll forgive her for kissing some guy or making love to him or even having a serious affair. Your marriage will be a knot with an unusual twist, right? Am I right or wrong? I know this sounds heartless, but men like you need extra sperm to overwhelm a competitor. Okay, listen, some people just are more attractive than others, and it may not be fair, but there’s no denying it, right?”

This is what I’m saying to Ajay but, believe it or not, the more I think about it, the more airtight I found this argument to be.

Curling his lip, Ajay weighs in on my thoughts and says: “What’re you talking about? Kendahl tells me all the time how good-looking I am. You mean it’s not true? Then why would she say that? Do you think it’s possible that maybe she just thinks so because… she loves me? Has that ever happened to you?”

First time I met Kendahl back in the 90’s, I thought she should be loving me; and she would be, if not for…ugh! Love. You know it’s just not worth the trouble.

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